is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
