Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
