I CAN MOONWALK!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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