dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
