you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
