I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
