THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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