My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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