thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
