Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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