i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
