This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
