Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
