hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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