I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
