someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
