You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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