My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
