I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
