I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
