He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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