What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
