We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
