So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
