Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
