Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
