thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
