Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
