I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just high enough for therapy.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
