Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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