Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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