You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
