His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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