Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
