fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
