In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
