then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
