Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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