I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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