I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
