I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Randomize
