1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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