South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
