Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
