Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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