I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
