Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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