I have demons in me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
