my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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