Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
