it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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