I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
