well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
