New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
